Santa's Christmas Trip In a Caravan

Regularly, on his round the world trip, Santa could find nowhere to sleep. Bed and breakfasts weren't always that cheap and the cost of a hotel room these days was rather steep. There wasn't even a single penny in his pocket (though he felt deep). So many people had gone away on holiday, Santa couldn't find anywhere to stay ! Although Santa's was a rather supersonic car, a million miles is rather far. Santa's sleigh was a little out - dated ... the journey, these days, took much longer than anticipated. He wanted to reach every one of the wordl's children as they celebrated. Santa feared that all around the world, he'd miss some of the children who waited. Of course, Santa's trip wasn't the same as being an ordinairy commuter - he had received at least five hundred requests for a new computer ! With such a lot of presents to carry, he really should have had a rocket to help circum - navigate in a night so starry ! Each year, Santa asked Mrs. Christmas to book accommodation - but it was difficult when she didn't know the name of every nation ! Thus, Santa inevitably arrived at the wrong railway station. For Christmas night, she booked Santa a flight and a ticket on a train to Spain. But they were often cancelled at the last minute, time and time again. So over the years, Santa had stayed in some dismal places on his way around the globe. Once, he'd stayed in a cave and under a park bench (he even knew the word for "reservation" in double Dutch and French). When he couldn't find anywhere on the ground to sleep, Santa slept on a roof counting sheep, like Little Bo Peep ! He'd even slept beneath a hedge, hoping no - one would steal his sledge ! It was difficult job, roaming across the globe. In the worst hotel that Santa had ever stayed in, he was kept awake all night by a disco strobe ! The advertisement in the brochure read "excellent air conditioning" and that the hotel was high class. Indeed, there was : an open window, with no glass ! The hotel's five stars could be seen through a hole in the roof through which Santa star - gazed. When Santa saw the three wise men going elsewhere, no wonder he was amazed ! The hotel did have hot and cold running water (most of it, running down the wall !). Although the girl at the reception, said there was a cabaret, their name was difficult to recall. Without exception, he sang out if tune all night and day. On the evening Santa stayed, he was awoken by a real escapade ! (a hotel guest sliding down the drainpipe, who clearly hadn't paid !). On the second night in the hotel, Santa heard another "CRASH !" - it was Rudolph, stealing a carrot from the kitchen, making a rather hasty dash !. Chased by the chef, he was soon covered in tasty mash. The next time Santa saw Rudolph, he was hiding, eating his carrot in the trash. First, Santa thought that a tent would be a good idea - but he didn't fancy sleeping all night next to a snoring reindeer ! Singing Christmas rejoices, Santa considered his alternative choices. "Eureka !", he cried out, "I've got it - a caravan !", Santa began to shout. Often, Santa became tired along the way, so he decided to make a caravan from the sleigh (though on the maiden journey, one of the wheels rolled away !). Perhaps in a caravan, there would be more room for gifts, though instead of going down chimneys, he'd have to consider going up lifts ! In a caravan, Santa would have all mod cons - there would be a place to sleep, wash and read as well as bake buns. He could have a wardrobe (a place where he could keep his red and white suite tidy and neat). Santa would never again have to park his sleigh on the side of the street or have to stop at cafes, to get something to eat !) Once a caravan was successfully made, he could have his own fridge for his own lemonade. So Santa immeadiately got cracking, building, hammering, sawing and nailing too (though, without a drawing, some of the screws went sailing through !). After about a week, Gerome the gnome came to take a peek - slowly but surely, the sleigh was growing inch by inch. Before long, it was so big, that the elves had to lift it with a winch. As soon as the handiwork was complete, Santa threw a party - with a bottle of fizzy champagne and tasty things to eat. Just like a Queen, an Admiral of the Fleet, Mrs Christmas was asked to bless the ship - then asked if she had any tasty mince pies to eat ! On the side of the caravan - sleigh, bubbly was smashed. Santa was so drunk when they reached their first destination, they CRASHED !. "All aboard !", Santa heralded, as they were about to depart. Mrs. Christmas watched from the windowsill. Although a little slow to start, they were soon heading off over the hill ... with a chug - chug -, bang - bang - and a half empty petrol tank that Santa had forgotten to fill. The caravan's engine was a little rusty, the seating inside a little dusty. When Rudolph pulled the caravan, with a jolt, Santa awoke. Eventually, the carburettor began to run, despite clouds of smoke from the exhaust. Suddenly, a spark plug burst, as they headed over the horizon, into the Sun. There was a splash of oil and the radiator began to over - boil. Despite hours of toil, the caravan came to a halt in a pile of soil. As Santa quickly tried to find the "OFF" switch, they veered left and landed in a ditch ! But all was not lost, Santa sent the world's present instead in the post. © Jacqueline Richards 2008